MyTransitionPartner v 2.0beta

your name and pronouns define how others recognize identity

The importance of one's name and pronouns goes much further than a sense of identity. When someone denotes that they identify with a name or pronouns that differ from their birth name or their sex assigned to them at birth, they are not just expressing their identity but are also saying that through their thoughts, feelings, analysis, and judgment they have determined their gender and how they want you to identify that gender.

The process of coming to a sense of your real name and pronouns is complicated and emotionally difficult.

The courage and bravery that come with openly expressing these conclusions is immense because of the stigma that goes along with them. This process illustrates that pronouns do not only indicate a person’s sense of self but also represents their judgment and their ability to think, feel, and make decisions. Research has demonstrated that using the correct pronouns and chosen name is associated with psychological well-being. As a whole, using someone’s preferred pronouns is recognition that they are a person, and as such, their thoughts, feelings, and sense of self are legitimate and real.

• The harm of misgendering/naming
• Dealing with misgendering/naming
  
• Gender neutral pronouns
  

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Not using the right pronouns is hugely disrespectful. Ignoring a person's chosen pronouns indicates that you do not believe the person you are referencing is, in fact, a person and that their feelings and judgments aren’t real or do not count. It denotes that the speaker believes they know the person better than they know themselves or even that they wish the person were someone else.

What about instances of accidentally using pronouns incorrectly or referring to them by their birth name? I mean, it was an accident, it wasn’t done on purpose, so what’s the big deal? A lack of malicious intent doesn’t change the effects of a careless action. Misgendering or using a person's birth name can have a serious, negative impact on their self-efficacy, psychological well-being, and outs them to other people.

Sometimes misgendering or misnaming is done maliciously, but even when it’s not, the harmful effects are still ever present. Refusal to use the correct pronoun feels like a micro-aggression. It’s disrespecting someone’s identity and personhood, invalidating them. Beyond anything, misgendering someone communicates I wish you were someone else, so I’m going to pretend that you are.

If someone misgenders/misnames you:
Remain calm. If you get nervous, then you will not communicate what you want to say effectively.
Take a deep breath and calmly say: “actually, my pronouns are," or "actually, may name is.” If you know the person and they are aware and supportive of your transition, do not take it personally. It may be difficult for many people to make name/pronoun adjustments. Unless you expect misgendering/misnaming is intentional, you should approach these mistakes with compassion and understanding. Doing so will help assist your transition in the workplace.

If you are having trouble with you parents, remember this: Transitioning is a process which includes the transgender individual and their loved ones. It is important to approach your loved ones with compassion and understand that while you’ve had a lifetime to consider your feelings, they only get a couple seconds to take in what you are telling them before they respond. There may be angry and hurtful words, but don’t take them personally. Share our loved one resources with them to aid in their transition with you.

If you misgender or misname someone:
Don't make it about you. Discretely apologize and move on. If you go on and on about it, you will only make the person feel worse. Don't pretend that it didn't happen. Pull the person aside and say something like this: "I misgendered/misnamed you just now, and I am sorry." You don't need to explain why. Just acknowledge that it happened and apologize. You need to make an effort to make sure it doesn't happen again. Even if you've known someone for a long time with a different name or pronouns, this isn't about you or your comfort. It's on you to re-learn their name and pronouns.

Many nonbinary people choose nonbinary gender pronouns to reflect that their identity is not binary. This may be difficult for you to do since binary gender pronouns are so prominent in society. Again, it is an ally's responsibility to make sure that they are using the correct gender pronouns and chosen name.